As I lay here dying

…I close my eyes and dream of a world much simpler.
There Are no highways, no cars, no shopping centers or skyscrapers, just open land as far as the eye can see and when you turn around, a roaring mountainside stretching to the clouds.
A quiet cottage with a thatched roof, has joyfully placed itself in the center of this beautiful world.
The adjacent garden is overgrown with life and an abundance of vegetation. So much, in fact, that the creatures of the earth are welcomed to sample it’s many treasures.
A clothesline in the distance grasps white linen sheets and they fight for the brief opportunity to dance with the passing wind.
The summer sun shines brightly, but not harshly. It’s the kind of sunshine that warms your shoulders in the most soothing way as you pluck ripe berries from all around, rejoicing that the earth has provided you with such a magnificent treat.
With a full belly and a gentle smile on your face, you wander to the brook and rest your feet in, letting the cool water run over your toes as you lay back and gaze up at the samples of blue sky you can make out through the lush green canopy.
The shade from the soaring trees provides a cool resting place for you to take an afternoon nap…

I must confess, I am not dying in the way you may have assumed, but I am also not living. Not the way we are meant to be.
Three decades have passed in my life and though I have much to show for it, when I close my eyes, it is always this place that I see.
Our world has fooled us into believing we need so much, when in fact, all we need is less.
So as I lay here dying, as well all are, day by day, I close my eyes and dream of what I hope heaven will be, looking forward to living in a world I’ve dreamt of for thirty long years. And just before I drift to sleep, I say a quiet prayer that those I love dream of that same little place.

I have to realize

So much self doubt can enter your mind when you’re working with such a large number of women.
Some are impossible to read, some are hard to handle, others are just open to the positive experience, but overall, it can be straining.
Being careful not to step on toes, offend, misinterpret… Oh boy does it get exhausting.
Over all, I have been incredibly fortunate to have built an amazing team of positive, like-minded ladies who are all thrilled to help each other without question and I am eternally grateful for that.
The positivity keeps me going and while I have bad days here and there, I have little to complain about. I am extremely happy with the things that are going on for me and my business.
I just have to remind myself that I cannot please everyone. I’ll never be perfect and there are people who will find issues with just about everything I do.
…and that’s okay.
I am not perfect and I never will be. I am settled with that.
I need to remember that I’ll never fully understand everyone and I don’t need to. If I give the best I can, I have done my job.
The obsession and worry over offending others, feeling judged or guilty for celebrating my accomplishments ends tonight.
I often feel that I have to hide the amazing things I’ve done in fear that a member of my team may feel negative towards me about it.
How silly is that?
It’s an odd feeling, but why am I robbing myself of happiness I have earned? Why am I concerning myself with those who may not support me instead of embracing the ones who do?
Nonsense.
I have surprised myself in many ways since joining my company and like never before, I see a future for myself and my family built straight from passion.
Am I an amazing sales person? Hell no I’m not and I never want to be. I enjoy who I am, embrace what I excel at and accept what I’m not.
To waste time constantly comparing myself to those around me would be mentally exhausting, so instead I will continue to support everyone and do my best to uplift as many as I can.
This week has been a very interesting one and with a much needed mental-check, I am ready to embrace what lies ahead… Which happens to be a lot of really amazing things.
Two weeks to convention! ❤

Life goals

This weekend has been quite a ride.
I’ve realized things about myself that I wish I could pack away for good and I’ve learned things about myself that I want to shine as much light on as I can.
Growing up the way I did, I was always left feeling like I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, strong enough or loved enough.
Unable to put into words what feeling like that does to your developing mind, I will describe it only as something I pray endlessly my children never understand.
Self value, self love and having the ability to look at yourself in the mirror at any stage in life, with pride for the person you are, is something no one should ever be robbed of.
Children these days, girls specifically, face a world that is impossibly challenging. I love that so many people and companies are opening their eyes to not only bullying, but how girls are so effected these days.
As most of you know, I am in direct sales and my business is growing rapidly and beautifully. I don’t plan to work for anyone but myself again.
The company I joined values women in ways I’ve never experienced, and hearing first hand, from our founder, why he began this company and how he wanted to help women, moved me in ways I can’t describe.
I’ve often closed my eyes at night dreaming of the future and the financial freedom we will have, but always had this grey area as to what I would do to really leave my legacy.
Tonight I realized what I want that to be and it’s all due to a simple advertisement about being a girl.
You can view it here.
I want to help young women, who are disadvantaged, abused, bullied, neglected or otherwise in need, build self esteem and empower themselves.
The possibilities are endless, but it’s always been my goal to give it back in the best ways I am able and I can’t tell you how excited I am about finally finding what it is I will do.
The world needs change. The world needs women who are confident, strong and proud to be who they are despite how society tells them different in every way imaginable.
That is my plan. Broad as it may be, it is what I will do with my life.
Ready or not. 💜

So this is cool

I recently started a diet.
Yes.
A diet.
I had two babies back to back and I’m not going to sugar coat what that did to my eating habits.
Pregnancy is hard enough, but having a baby who keeps you on your toes AND being pregnant again… Yeah.
THEN having TWO BABIES… Basically where I’m going with this, is that you have enough time to shower once a week if you’re lucky, let alone take quality care of your health.
I see those “what’s your excuse?” Fitness moms and my eyes nearly fall out of my head from rolling so hard.
Please.
First of all, whatever gave them the notion that they had the right to make mothers feel down about themselves was acceptable is beyond… FAR beyond my comprehension.
In fact, anyone who passes judgement on a person based upon their weight sickens me, let alone someone who has given birth to multiple children.
The one thing I have discovered is that genetics play the leading role in weight. We are all wired differently and it’s about understanding your body, your genetics, your impulses and triggers, as well as your past and what drives you to put in your mouth what you do.
My husband (years ago) did atkins and loved it. He had great results and stuck with it, which says a lot considering he was a bachelor at the time.
Over the years, we have both tried several diets only to feel deprived and defeated when after long bouts of suffering, the results were less than impressive.
My girlfriend and bestie Jenny, is also an atkins lover. She has seen great results with the diet and somehow talked me into trying it out.
Ruben, the husband, was gung-ho about this idea.
I was on-board mostly because I discovered these fabulous little ketostix (another revelation stemming from Jenny).
It was a way for me to verify that my body was doing what it was supposed to, while I curbed carbs and stocked up on fats and proteins.
The ketostix are probably the prime reason I’ve stuck to this and will continue.
Seeing that test strip turn purple makes my day and knowing that my body is a fat burning machine, makes me smile. Every move I make, I am burning stubborn fat and today was my first day of realization that what I’m doing is working.
I had to run to the store, so I ran upstairs to change into a t-shirt and shorts and not only did my shorts slide on with amazing room, but a shirt I slipped on was baggy!
Baggy!!
This shirt was (2weeks ago) tight on me. So tight, in fact, that I would have to stretch it out to fit relatively decent.
I proudly wore that shirt for the remainder of the evening, constantly fluttering it’s bagginess to Ruben with a cheesy smile plastered to my face.
It’s funny what little things can really make your day,
When your husband walks up to you hugs you then pushes you back by the waist, looks you up and down and says “holy crap you look so great”, you assume he’s just being nice, but you put on an ugly shirt that fits different and you want to dance naked in the streets.
All in all, I’m thrilled with my two week progress and have nothing but excitement for what’s to come.
I have set my goals and look forward to reaching them.
Yay!

How to Effectively Love Yourself

Why is loving yourself so damn hard?
Why is it so easy to find our own faults and so impossible to drown out negative thoughts to bask in the beauty and wonder of our being?
Blame the advertising industry, blame magazines, blame photoshop, blame whoever you like, but I’m here to tell you that the fault lies within you.
Our thoughts are a choice.
Every morning when we wake up, we look in the mirror and decide, subconsciously, how our day is going to unravel.
Will it be a great day?
Will it be a self-loathing, monotonous day?
The choice is yours.
Yes. You heard me.
Our minds are powerful and your self image will always be the guide to how you treat yourself.
Let me tell you a little bit about me; I’m going to describe myself two different ways.

I am 30. Horrifically tall to the point I can’t wear heels without feeling like a drag queen, I have hair that doesn’t cooperate well and I weigh more than I like. I have three kids and my body shows it. My hands and feet are big and I carry my weight in my mid-section, which is the worst place to hold it. I want to change.

And alternately;

I am 30 years young, I’m as tall as Cindy Crawford which I think is pretty cool. I love my eyes, they’re big, blue and I have high eyebrows. My lips are full and I get a many compliments on them.
I’m currently working on losing excess weight I put on when I had my beautiful kids back to back. My problem areas are a great reminder that a healthier lifestyle is worth the effort.

The difference in those two statements is powerful.

Ask the smallest girl, the largest girl, or any girl… Insecurities lie in all of them, but how many look in the mirror and say, “hey, I love that about myself”?
I bet you the number is minuscule.
That is upsetting.

Positive thought processes result in a better self image. Finding positives in one aspect of life, will bring you more in others.
It’s not a joke.
I implore you to wake up each morning and as you get ready for your day, find something about you that you would never change.
I don’t care if it’s your eyelashes.
Look in the mirror and say “Damn. I’ve got some fabulous lashes.”

Finding beauty in yourself is where happiness will begin to stem from.
Trust me.
Baby steps.

Stop looking at magazines!
Magazines are not only FALSE, but they are depressing.
No one looks like that. Not even that PERSON looks like that, so what the hell are you doing comparing yourself to it?
It’s a joke.
A facade.
An ILLUSION.

You are real. You are unique. You are freaking fabulous and you have amazing eyelashes (and amazing {insert all the other amazing things you possess})

You cannot feel better about yourself if you are constantly beating yourself up.
It’s like waking up each morning and punching yourself in the face!
Why would you go and ruin your day like that??

So Challenge Yourself to find beauty in everything. Talk about yourself only in positive ways. Stop punching yourself in the damn face.

When you have a thought that isn’t positive, correct it immediately, stop your evil thought process and force yourself to find something great about it.

The more you do this the easier it becomes. It’s my best beauty secret, because, as we all know, confidence is the most attractive accessory a woman can wear.
Wear your confidence, you beautiful, real and amazing woman.

Wear it proud.

Tomboy turned Makeup Junkie

I didn’t know how to put on eyeliner properly until I was 28.
(Just setting the stage for what you’re about to read)
Makeup was never my forte. It’s always been this obnoxious stuff women would smear on themselves to cover pimples or to trick people into thinking they looked like something they’re not.
I’ve never been good at it and eyeshadow makes me look like a drag queen.
Colored lips?? Yeah right.
(I still think red lip stick looks terrible on just about everyone)
I was good about Mascara and that’s about it. I have blonde lashes, see… Without mascara I look like a boy.
So not terribly long ago, I started really trying to understand cosmetics and figure out how to use them effectively. I watched YouTube videos of 12 year olds doing shit I didn’t know the first thing about.
I watched product reviews.
I read articles.
I really, really, REALLY tried.
.
.
.
.
….and I was one hot mess.
If only I had photos of my smokey-eye attempt.
I looked like a domestic violence survivor who joined forces with the Dark Lord.
It was bad.

WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND THIS???

So I gave up. I went back to my dove soap, mascara and drug store foundation and accepted that I’m just gonna have to make due with what I know about makeup, which happens to be very little, and distance myself from this desire to understand things not meant for my brain. After all, I never had problems with dates, I always felt pretty, it was just something that gnawed at my soul because it was the one thing I was incapable of mastering.
BALLS.

FAST FORWARD

One afternoon while surfing the net, after watching some Netflix documentaries on the evil things companies slip into our products, etc (you know you’ve watched them, too) I realized that I was putting products on my skin packed with chemicals, carcinogens, just a bunch of nasty stuff.
I started really trying to understand how to avoid this without having to use some waxy, crappy, all-natural garbage cosmetic that is priced through the roof.
I tried all kinds of garbage and wasted LOADS of money on it all.
(Garbage bags of cosmetics)

All. CRAP.

I can happily report that I’ve found my fabulous answer. My beautiful, natural and nourishing line.
I love the simplicity of my cosmetics and have FINALLY figured out that what I was doing was trying to utilize cosmetics to alter my appearance, instead of enhance it.
This line changed everything. I am finally confident in my abilities and I even can do one hell of a smokey eye! (Imagine that)
I am no longer confused, and quite easily a growing expert on our products! I’ve been pumping these babies out for quite some time and have a growing team of ladies joining this awesome movement away from damaging, destructive chemicals, to rich, nourishing products.
It’s been a blessing and I love it.

If you suffer from lack of understanding with cosmetics like I did, message me! Find me on Facebook. Let me help.

It’s so easy to look flawless and you don’t need to pack your face with 100 products to do so. Thank God.

We all need a little assistance sometimes and now, I help others overcome these silly struggles. It’s my awesome job. It’s fabulous.

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A blog about attention whores.

There comes a point in every woman’s life where things change. Perhaps it’s not measured in age, but in maturity… Hell, if you’re like me, you were just born with the gift.
You watch as girls compete for attention, almost like animals, becoming increasingly vocalized and decreasingly respectable. Shedding their dignity by the dozens, you see them jump through hurdles to be the “ideal” candidate and go to desperate, often humiliating levels just for a few “likes” in the social media world, in hopes someone looks for a moment and pays them the compliment they are so severely starved for or wishes for a split second that’s who they, themselves could be.
They go through hell to participate in meaningless tasks, just to gain a glance or be able to title themselves as something they think will set them apart from the other herd of girls desperate for someone… ANYONE’S attention.
Talking incessantly and using key words to plant seeds of the thought that in some fantastic way, they are more desirable than the others on the table.
They are the best choice and if you’ve already chosen? Well, you should be WISHING that you had the chance with them.
The desperation seeps from their pores as they drop hints and talk about topics inappropriate to a situation and say anything they can to prove to you and everyone listening, just how great they are.
They are better than you.
They are more fun than you are.
They are who you’ll never be.
They are who your man wishes he had.
They are one of a kind.
.
.
.
.
In actual reality, they are blithering fucking idiots.

Ladies. Let’s stop and look at this momentarily (and logically, if you will)
If they’re SO great, SO confident, SO freaking fabulous, why are they trying to convince you and the rest of the world of it???
Wouldn’t we already know?
Wouldn’t the sheer brilliance of their phenomenal being have made headline news?
Wouldn’t she be swooped off the market, married and pregnant somewhere because her husband was so overcome with passion from simply having the sheer OPPORTUNITY to remain in her presence long enough to recite “I do” that he tore her dress off and humped her until she was knocked up with ten litters of children?? (Her superiority would ABSOLUTELY spread to her child-rearing capabilities, being that she’s SO phenomenal)
If she is married or has a boyfriend, wouldn’t she be so adored and so thoroughly courted that her man would leave no want for the attention of others??
If her relationship is so fabulous, wouldn’t she be overwhelmed with adoration for her man and hers alone??
Wouldn’t she be SO doted over that she simply wouldn’t have the TIME IN THE DAY to even consider THINKING of another??
(Being so fabulous, you just wouldn’t have the schedule for these things)

Her talents aren’t interrupting Kim’s hundredth televised wedding event because they are JUST. THAT. AMAZING.

She, my friends is an attention whore.

Those suggestive status updates, the desperate photos, the fake, phony-bologna cuteness and the PLEAS for acknowledgement and approval are your first clue that:
•She knows she’s not anything amazing
•She knows she has very little to offer
•She is unhappy with herself
•She has failed to mature
•She is too stupid to change and wants to lure a man into her trap, so she can quit this ridiculous and exhausting charade and unleash her inner psycho

She’s BAT. SHIT. CRAZY. (Careful meow)

So, while you sit here reading this and you’ve placed a face to the person I’ve just described, (and you know you have) bask in the glory that it is YOU who has confidence, YOU that has something amazing to offer, YOU are talented…and if you think you’re not, I can assure you that you’re talented at not being an obnoxious whore. (See…talents!)
You scored love, and if you haven’t, patience is all you need.

In the animal kingdom, males are colored brightly to win the attention and affection of their mate. The females sit back quietly and observe as they dance, sing and put on a display of what they have to offer and the female chooses gracefully. That man is forever thrilled that she let him be by her side, even if only for a moment.

Note: We are animals. Same rules apply.

They’re playing the game of life wrong and will run themselves in circles, looking like fools while us smart gals snatch all the good ones up.

So smile kindly at these pleas for approval knowing that you are the superior being because you know what?

Mother Nature said so.

#winning

Trials.

Bad days really are rare with me, but sadly I can report that my second blog here will be a down-beat one.
Poop.
Integrity means so much to me and being an honest, generally good person is on the high end of my priorities. (This is great for you to know)
Today, I wished a fiery, eternally painful suffering on a person I do not even know.
Why? Because that person stole, not only from me, not only from my company, but from so many hard working women out there that bust their asses every single day to make this business successful.
A month of hard work, long nights and countless hours devoted to a big fat NOTHING.
Most of you may not be aware, but I am a network marketer and I pour my life and soul into my business. It’s mine and I run it to the best of my ability, which usually means I’m working from the moment I wake until the late hour I sleep.
The trade off?
I love what I do and not many can say that about their 9-5.
The moment I truly grasped the gravity of the situation that unfolded today, nearly broke me.
What a blow.
Will it cost me a trip I worked hard for?
Will I lose a huge promotion?
How many of my hard-earned customers did I lose to this nasty trickster?
Did I lose team members?
The most damaging part of it all is, I’ll never know.
No answers.
No resolve.
No nothing.
Just a shell of a woman who cannot fathom the cruel things others will do to perfect strangers for personal gain.
Whatever this person did to pull my website to their presenters page (among hundreds-possibly thousands of others) for as long as they did, was bar-none one of the dirtiest tricks I’ve seen in this trade.
So yes. Today was a bad, nasty, hateful day for miss LashLindsay.
One I hope never to relive again.
Karma,
Please deliver and deliver swiftly.

and so it is…

Hello and welcome to my weird ass blog.

Let me create the setting for you… It’s 12:23am, quiet and peaceful. The kids are sleeping and the hubby is snoring.

In short: it’s my favorite time.

(I’m a night-owl for these reasons)

Ruben hates it (you’ll hear loads about him), but what he doesn’t understand is that I live a life of chaos and peace is my anti-drug. For real.

Being a work-at-home mom, running a team of 170 women (and counting) while your two year old is loose in the house and your 9 month old has just begun crawling, is no easy task. It wears a girl out. Having time to shower is a gift, let alone having 30 minutes to sit and enjoy the silence (depeche mode anyone?)

I’ll happily sacrifice a little sleep to get some quality work done, some pseudo-meditation in and maybe even watch some crappy late-night re-run of a show I once liked.

Honestly, I’d watch a program on dung beatles, so long as it means I don’t have to hear “Let it go” for the 13,543rd time this week. (For the record, I actually truly enjoy learning about odd bugs and nature)

at the end of the day, my life is pretty damn great. It’s been a whirlwind of excitement these last six months and while it’s kept me on my toes, it’s been an enormous blessing for my family. I find myself, for the first time, extremely excited for the future and that’s saying a lot when you’ve considered how the last five years treated us.

blessed I am and while I sit here soaking up my last bits of silence, I implore you to find your happy place. Mine is the comfy chair in my toy-littered living room at (now) 12:44am.).